A Glimpse Into My Future

It's odd that I wasn't ever aware of just how much my child took over every facet of my life. I had a chance over the last week or so to not exercise any parenting skills as my son was away at a school event some 900 miles away (954 miles, to be exact). And, I got a peek at what my life used to be like before I spent most of my time requesting that teeth be brushed, bedroom floor detritus be somewhat minimized, re-assuring that neither Santa Clause nor God considered it a truly grievous sin to hide the cat's toy from the cat, cleaning play-doh out of the trumpet, de-coding cryptic messages scribbled in permanent 'Sharpie' ink on the door to his room, drying tears cried in earnest because of a mean kid at school, explaining that of course there is dancing in heaven, and probably golf and fishing, too, et cetera. With my parenting limited to a three-minute phone call peppered with monosyllabic yeses and noes (his contribution to the conversation), I was forced to compare what my life as a parent and my life as a non-parent is like. This is what I came up with:

• As a parent I must wait until the child is in bed ASLEEP before drinking alcoholic beverages of any kind (including strong cough medicines). As a non-parent, I can start cocktail hour whenever I want.
• As a parent I need to be sure the child has clean clothing. As a non-parent I can exercise the practice of leaving dirty clothes in the hamper for so long that the dirt molecules actually break down and go away without water or soap. Similarly, the heat generated by the dissolving dirt also IRONS the clothes. Pretty nifty, huh?
• As a parent, I cannot neglect the child long enough to spend 14 hours a day in bed reading, 8 hours a day on the boat, or 16 hours a day sleeping. As a non-parent I can.
• As a parent, I need to feed the child nutritional food on a regular basis. As a non-parent, I can revert to my former preferred diet of artichoke and gouda cheese sandwiches and pizza when I am hungry.
• As a parent, I realize there is no greater and wonderful challenge and gift than being the child's mother. As a non-parent I missed him like hell!

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that even though it felt like the end of the world for me when my son was away, there are some definite benefits to having your child grow up. As people way more experienced than I with this parenthood thing have probably already figured out, your life doesn't actually end when your kid grows up. I have seen the future...and I think it's going to be okay.