Getting Older

I had lunch with a really important person in my life a week or so ago. She sort of reminds me of my Grandmother. I remember having to go grocery shopping with Grandma, and it taking her FOREVER to make her selections. I distinctly remember her selecting each green bean from the big bin, one at a time, inspecting each to make sure it was not blemished and nice and crisp and fresh. While searching for the perfect beans, she would lecture me on what characteristics each vegetable and fruit should possess to be considered worthy of taking it home (her advice was apropos to men, as well, as I determined in later years). I would stand there, shifting from foot to foot, squirming, trying desperately to listen politely and attentively, when all I really wanted to do was hitch onto the big metal shopping cart and race up and down the aisles in the brightly lit store, jump on the cart and have the ride of a lifetime.

I was grocery shopping today and as I stood in front of the bin of green beans, I couldn't help but laugh at myself because I was picking each bean, one at a time and making sure it was good enough to bring home. I guess getting older brings more changes than I realized. Sure, the physical changes are evident, but the things that make you think 'Holy cow, I'm an adult now - how did that happen?' well, those changes are hard to accept, too. Now that I'm older and grown up (sort of) I often wonder about such life changing challanges and questions, such as:

• when did beer get so expensive?
• why does the Juniors section at the Belk suddenly sell Barbie doll like clothes that even though they are my size, look absolutely ridiculous on me?
• why am I even thinking about re-landscaping the yard?

It's like all of a sudden I have morphed into my GRANDMOTHER! I have missed turning into my parents (who were pretty cool) and have gone directly to the geriatric generation. Which really rots, because all I still really want to do is hitch onto the big metal shopping cart and go for a ride!

More Stuff I am Not Buying

I must hold the world record for getting the most catalogs in the mail. My mail person must absolutely despise me, particularly around this time of year. I easily get five or more product catalogs three or four times a week. You would never know our economy was in the toilet if you used my mail as a guide. And, I get catalogs for the most useless, ridiculous and outlandish stuff. A few examples of things I will not be buying...

The Titanium Spork is "perfect for picnicking, boating and commuting. A spoon on one end, a fork on the other, you're prepared for any meal you could come across." Ahhh...Good. Next time I find a rump roast on the 9:50 express train, I'll be fully prepared to dig in and enjoy...

The ElectroSensor Electromagnetic Field Detector is "the quickest and easiest way to let you know within seconds whether there are dangerous electromagnetic fields in any area. Requires 1 AAA battery (not included)." Anyone have any clues about why this could matter to anyone? The only reason I could think this might be relevant if you happen to be walking around in a suit of armor and were worried you might get stuck somewhere.

The Digital Motion Sensor Camera is "triggered by heat and movement and takes multiple images of backyard wildlife, and provides quality audio accompaniment." Greeeaaat...now I can SEE and HEAR my cats 'playing' with the squirrels and birds and lizards and snakes, before they drag them inside for my personal viewing pleasure! No thanks!

Train Drags Half-naked Mooner Along Tracks

Now, that's a headline that grabs your attention! A 20-something drunk man decided to moon a passing railroad car and his pants (which were around his ankles) got caught on the train somehow, and he was pulled for a while by the train until the conductor realized and stopped the train. The young man was not injured, most likely protected by that alcohol induced 'no bones' syndrome that happens when you drink a lot.

Now, I've done a lot of odd things, but I have always been fortunate in that they usually worked out better than this guy's adventure. A few activities I have engaged in that I probably should not have - jumping off the roof of my childhood home; riding a bicycle over a home-made ramp and off a dock into the lake; riding a pregnant horse in an equestrian competition; taking street signs and then displaying them in my driveway; the list goes on. The thing about all the silly activities I, or probably anybody, has done is that there was absolutely no fear. No fear that your mangled and twisted body would be found caught in the Cherry tree next to the house...no worry that the rope that was attached to the plastic bleach jug that acted as a buoy so you could retrieve the sunken bicycle would get wrapped around your foot and drag you to the bottom of the lake...no thought that, by heavens, this poor horse was going to have a BABY HORSE and you were the yahoo riding her around the ring and urging her to go faster and holy cow you didn't think a pregnant horse could BUCK!...and certainly no concern that the neighbors might miss the "Church Crossing" and "Yield" signs....

I am proud to say I am a bit smarter these days. Oh, I still do really stupid things but they tend to be the types of activities that generally keep me out of physical danger. For example, I recently told my 12 year old child about how I once drove my parent's car up and down the driveway when I was about his age...

So, which one do I want?

Yesterday, I went to the Jobs USA website to check out any jobs that are open for someone of my somewhat specialized experience and nearly fell over in disbelief. There are three jobs that have opened up that I can apply for. IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY. I'll let you know which one I get.

Home, Sweet Home

I love where I live...Just yesterday, I went swimming in the river. I can catch my own dinner most of the year. I know my neighbors. I can drive into town secure that no one is going to flip me the bird, cuss at me or try and beat me out at the light. My son can walk home from school. When customers from my husband's business call, no matter what the reason, they ask "How are you? How's the family?" and they listen to the answer. We have some decent restaurants, a Saks Fifth Avenue outlet and a Gap nearby. I can sweet talk the lady at the lunch meat counter in the local grocery store into slicing my Boars Head bologna extra thin. In short, I really love where I live.

But...every once in a while, I don't know, maybe it's this mid-life crisis thing, I really really want to be in New York City again! Like tonight, I read that these huge bands that I have always wanted to see live all performed together at Madison Square Garden (just the 'garden', to those in the know) last night. I mean, I'm talking mega bands like U2, the Stones, Jeff Beck, Metallica... It must have been the ultimate party! And here I am...

I drove some 380 miles to Tampa, Florida to see The Who last spring. I have wanted to see this band perform live for most of my life, but never thought I would get the chance because they were getting so old. The show was cancelled because the singer got a cold. They re-scheduled the concert for two days later. Like I could just spend the week in Tampa...so I gave up the tickets and came home for my son and work and life. So I'm thinking... this is what I want to do...this is what I need to do: Go to a real concert, scream my head off, drink beer, hold up a cigarette lighter (lit, of course) so the band personally knows how much I am enjoying their music and 'make-out' with my husband during the slow song! Ahhh, long live my youth!