From the Left

I recently read an article that said left-handed people are likely to die younger than right handed people. The article specifically states that 'south paws' experience more stress than right handed people trying to get by in a right handed world. The additional stress likely contributes to their pre-mature demise. Furthermore, lefties are more likely to have accidents involving machinery, as most machines are geared to right handed users. The article (written by a right handed person, no doubt) also implies that the invention of the left handed scissors has saved countless left handed people from nearly certain early death. Now, I am left handed, and made my way through grade school, middle school, high school, college, more college and 15 years or so in the work force without ever using left handed scissors. I recently used a pair not so long ago, and I tell you, what a difference they made! I was cutting tax payment vouchers and when I was through, it looked like a three year old did it. It was so bad, I wound up using a paper cutter to do a whole new batch so that the IRS wouldn't get mad at me when my lopsided voucher jammed one of their machines. I seriously could not cut with those scissors. I was not feeling the stress melting away. Come to find out that there is a whole market of "Left" merchandise for sale. For the kitchen, I can purchase a left handed can opener and, get this, a left-handed spatula. For my home improvement needs, there is a left handed tape measure. There are even coffee mugs for left handed people, pencil sharpeners and notebooks. And, people actually BUY this stuff. Wow. I wish I had thought of all those items left handed people need...then, I wouldn't need to be looking for a job!