Revisions

Can't think, brain numb.
Inspiration won't come.

I am attempting to revise my resume, and I keep running into these roadblocks...
For example, all the experts agree that long periods of unemployment need to be explained on a resume. Okay, fine. But how do I explain that I fell absolutely head over heels crazy in love with my newborn son 12 years ago, and have had absolutely NO interest in working since then? How do I phrase that in a manner that sounds like I was productively engaged in an important, vital task and not just hanging around eating bon bon's for all this time? Right now, my resume reads '1997 - present: Unemployed by choice to raise my child. Job duties too numerous and often too ridiculous to mention; 168 hour work week; no time off; fabulous benefits.' I know, I know - it has to go. But what do I say about all these years that have passed? And how do I explain my sudden interest in resuming my career? Can I be totally honest and say, 'well, I am getting a little antsy, and a job might be just the jolt I'm looking for'? Sure, that's what every employer is looking for - someone who thinks it will be "fun" to work again. I need get this worked out, somehow.