The Real Chopped Champion

So, the other night I was thinking about how the program managers or producers at the Food Network ought to create an amateur version of their show, "Chopped". In case you're not familiar with it, it basically goes like this: four professional chefs compete to put together a meal using a bunch of strange ingredients. Think octopus and avocado and cactus pear strange. So anyway, the mystery ingredients, as they are called because the chefs don't know what they're cooking until right before each round, must all be used in some combination and turned into a pleasing, palatable dish and served to three judges. After the dish is prepared, the chefs go to the chopping block to await the judges decision of whose dish is the best, and whose is so bad, the chef gets chopped from the competition - hence the name of the show.  It is a pretty entertaining show, all in all. But, the more I thought of how I should present my idea for the amateur version of the show, I realized that I basically have lived "Chopped" every single day since becoming a parent! Poor Boy was (and still is, for that matter) pretty much my judge and my chopping block. But unlike the judges on the TV show, no matter what I turned out, he had to eat it. Of course, back in the day, he really didn't have many pre-conceived ideas about what made a great meal. Because no one ever told us we shouldn't, Man and I, from the time Boy was just Baby, fed him exactly what we ate. We just chopped it up into a slurry in the blender.  On Boy's first Thanksgiving, he enjoyed a complete traditional turkey day dinner, including the sweet potato pie! And food we cooked, like Chicken Caccitore, replete with hot red pepper and onions and garlic was stuffed into the Mix Master as well and he ate right along side of me and Man. We simply fed him what we ate, just a mushier version. And as Boy began to grow up, and life got more hectic, some days I did stand in front of him and justify that a cucumber omelet was an excellent meal choice. As was Mom's Magic Pizza (catsup and oregano on white bread topped with any kind of cheese. Once, there was no cheese in the house, so I smeared blue cheese salad dressing on the bread and Boy loved it)! Not unlike probably every other mother faced with providing a healthy and delicious meal for their child, I got creative with what was on hand. I mean, I probably will never have octopus in my pantry, but I would like to see those professionals create a satisfying family meal from bullion cubes, Boy Scout gourmet popcorn, Swiss cheese and a handful of elbow macaroni!  Bet they couldn't do it.

What to Wear...

In honor of NY Fashion Week, I am cleaning out my closet so I can make room for whatever new stuff I might buy.  It's not really a big job, because I truly have no clothes, except for gym and running wear, that same one "grown-up" white shirt that's been hanging around for some time now, a bunch of bathing suits (which I hang in my closet because the drawer space is taken up by my shorts and tee shirts) and a shirt I bought while I was obviously under the impression that I have a glamorous and socially active lifestyle and would therefore need an orange chiffon ripple blouse, to compliment my (non-existent) silk charmeuse trousers and my (also non-existent) Christian Louboutin's.  So, as I stared dismally at the tangled mass of bathing suits I realize that, fashion-wise, I am pretty much a hot mess. And, I realize that what I need is a personal shopper.  As in the "What Not to Wear" variety of personal shoppers.  Because I am pretty sure that any personal shopper worth their Channel* bag would have steered me away from the orange ripple blouse.  In fact, I probably wouldn't have even been in the same department as that blouse, or even the same store, for that matter!  I used to have some fashion smarts and a pretty decent sense of style, back before I became a parent.  While some women easily make that transition back from Mother to Style Maven, if they even ever allowed themselves to go over to the "mommy side" category of dress - me...well, not so much.  Some time ago I did throw away all the really grungy tee shirts and only kept the nicer ones.  And, I did ditch the unflattering one-piece bathing suit I wore only twice after my son was born.  But I never quite made it back to my former stylish self.  While I'll not ever make it onto someones best dressed list, on the upside, I do have bikinis in fourteen different colors and how many other Mom's can say that?

*This just reinforces that fashion-wise, I am in trouble.  My misspelling of one of the most famous design houses ever is a cry for help...