Introductions

When the future seemed endless, I never even thought about stuff like this.  But, with the possibility of Boy going to boarding school in August, I figured it was time.  I am talking about teaching him about some things he'll need to know when he's living away from home.  Stuff like how to do laundry, where food actually comes from, what a bathroom cleaner is for and how to use it - you get the picture.  So I decided to start by introducing him to the concept of laundry.  It went something like this.  

We stood in front of the washing machine.
ME:  Okay, this is how it works.  You take clothes that you have worn and...
BOY:  How long?
ME:  (confused) How long what?
BOY:  How long have I worn them?
ME:  (still confused) What do you mean 'how long have you worn them'?  What difference does that make? 
BOY:  Well, what constitutes dirty clothes?  What if I put on a pair of pants and only wear them for like, um, 20 minutes?  Are they dirty then?  Do they need to be washed still?
ME:  Why would you put on a pair of pants and then change them after 20 minutes?
BOY:  I don't know.  Maybe I was going to take a shower or something.
ME:  Well, why would you take a shower after you got dressed?  That seems sort of illogical.
BOY:  Well, what if I decided that I really didn't like the way the pants looked on me?  Or maybe I was going to go to sleep.
ME:  Why don't you like the pants?  (raising my voice just a smidgen) You should have told me you didn't like the pants before you cut the tags off them and wore them.
BOY:  (confused) What pants?  Who said I didn't like them? Maybe I just thought another pair of pants would look better with the shirt I was wearing.
ME:  Well, what shirt are you wearing?
BOY:  (looking down at his shirt) I don't know.  This one?
ME:  NOT THE ONE YOU'RE WEARING NOW.  The one that doesn't go with the pants!
BOY: (relieved) Oh.  I don't know.  I'm just saying...
ME:  And it seems REALLY silly to change your pants right before you're going to go to sleep, so just don't do that, okay?  Let's skip over the dirty question for now and go on.  Okay, so you take your DIRTY clothes and you need to decide what water temperature they should be washed in.  Generally, light clothes use warm or hot water and...
BOY:  What do you mean 'light clothes'? 
ME:  Colored.  Light COLORED clothing.  Like white or tan or pink...
BOY:  I don't have anything pink.
ME:  (under my breath)I bet you will soon.  Anyway, you put the clothes in the washing machine.  You don't PACK them in, you have to leave room in there for the water and the soap and for them to move around and everything.  Then you select the water temperature and add the soap and push this button over here and let the machine take it from there.  Now, the machines up at school will be different but that's the general idea. Any questions?
BOY: (looking at me blankly) Yes.  How do the clothes get from the floor of MY room all the way to the LAUNDRY room?
ME: =sigh=