Running Woman, Part 2

How can I best describe the scene?  There I am; one in a crowd of perhaps 200 people.  We are all dressed in running clothes and adorned with some combination of bells or reindeer noses or antlers or flashing Christmas lights or elf ears or striped socks - there is even a person in a bright red Santa suit standing next to me whose pants seem to be playing Christmas carols.  What was I thinking when I chose this venue, the annual Marine Corps Jingle Bell Run, for my first foray into the world of recreational running?  All but me and maybe four or five others seem to be US Marine Corp active duty soldiers.  It is obscenely early (as in "it is STILL dark out" early and you KNOW how I feel about early morning activities) and I am abjectly TERRIFIED that I will not be able to complete the five kilometers.  I am also terrified that should I by some chance wind up in front of a group of the insanely FIT runners, I will either be a) trampled  or b) forced to run blindingly fast so I don't get trampled by the over-zealous elves and reindeer and possibly even Santa.  The race officials herd us to the start line, explain the route (which I really hope is marked because I am pretty sure to get lost if it's not), point out the HUGE electronic device ticking away which will time us and then there is a shot...I am startled...unaware that yes, that is really how they start a race.  I collect my thoughts, swallow my fear and off I go.  I try to be aware of my pace so that I don't run too fast and get too tired early on, but my fears are realized and there is suddenly a WAVE of soldiers behind me, chanting and ringing bells, each and every one politely yelling "Excuse Me, Ma'am" to me as they pour past me.  We come to a small 'funnel' on the course and I am forced to run as fast as I can to keep out of their way...I look longingly behind me at the safety of the gym, then back at the crush of Marines coming at me quick and I put my head down and just start running like hell.

Finally, the course opens up and I am able to sprint to the side of the column of runners and fight to catch my breath.  As I recover and struggle to regain my rhythm, the song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" comes into my head, only I hear it as...

"Penny got trampled by the Marine Corps...
Running her first 5K one fine day
You can say she had no business running
But you know she's stubborn and had to have her way.

So she donned all her running gear
And stayed up all the night
To make sure she didn't miss it
'Cause she had to be there before the day's first light

When they found her on the course
After all the others had come and went
She looked up at her rescuers
And said "Y'all are heaven sent"

(chorus repeat)

For the remainder of the race, my idiotic words played endlessly in my head and I laughed my way to the finish line.  I am proud to say I RAN the entire course, not once did I cry and,  hold on to something solid: I finished...next to last place!