Tourists

There is no easy, quick way to get to where I live. I mean, you can't really just 'find' my town on the way to somewhere else - it has to be a planned destination. Which is why I am so confused by all the people that have wound up here. How did they find us? Why did the find us? Having spent so much of my time in a town that had a huge seasonal population and dwindled down to about 2000 people or so in the 'off-season' you would think I would get it. Well, for any newcomers to the area, I am going to fill you in on a secret. We may say, real polite like, that we are glad you are here, but we really aren't. As I read on a bumper sticker once..."If it's Tourist Season, why can't I shoot them?"

Justin Who?

So, I read alot. But, what I find is happening to me is that I am beginning to ignore reality. I can hardly bear to read the newspapers...there is just so much horrible stuff in there. In addition to the super crummy real life stuff, there is this other junk. Like, who is this Justin Beiber guy? He is everywhere in the media, talking about his HAIR (?) and FASHION (?) and a host of other topics I don't find all that interesting even when I am sitting around with a group of my girlfriends blabbing. Who is this guy? Do I need to know what he is saying? What he is thinking? Is he going to be the one who resolves the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? The one who figures out how to end the wars? The person who is able to dissolve all the political tension and outright hate swirling around us? I'll listen if that's the case. But, considering I turned on the television last night and there was Justin Beiber who turns out to be, like FOURTEEN years old and an aspiring pop singing star, I don't think I am going to pay too much attention to what he has to say. I am pretty happy here in my bubble for now.

MEN: Gotta Love 'Em

Yet another reason I love men: they are so much more creative and innovative than women in some ways. For example, police arrested a man who was trying to break into prison to spring an inmate. The guy dressed himself as the Peanuts character, Snoopy. A prison employee said "It's not every day you see a giant cartoon dog trying to break into a prison. He wasn't exactly inconspicuous." The other remarkable part of this story is that after Snoopy was arrested, he found out that he tried to break into THE WRONG JAIL. That's because despite this guys innovative spirit that led him to don such a great disguise, he wouldn't ask for directions to the correct prison. A woman simply would have tried to remain hidden from prison officials and as quietly as possible, break out her buddy. BOR-ING!

Along the same lines, Police arrested two men on robbery and other charges at the bank in Fairfield, Connecticut recently. Apparently confusing bank robbery with buying take-out, they had helpfully called ahead to order a bag of $100,000 in large bills. They also asked if they could get that without dye-packs. 'You can't make this stuff up,' said a police spokesman. The police futher reported that the pair turned up at the bank about 10 minutes after making the call - where they were met by police in the parking lot. In a masterpiece of understatement, the police spokesperson told the local newspaper 'I would classify these individuals as "not too bright."' Women, on the other hand would not have attempted to rob the bank in the first place, BUT would have called the local Chinese Restaurant to arrange for dinner instead. Sheesh! Where's the fun in that?

Organizational Skills

Does anyone remember filofaxs'? They were those trendy organizer notebooks people used in the 1980's. A filofax was regarded as a "must-have" accessory in the days before electronic organizers. I never had one of them. Now of course there are blackberrys and iphones and a host of other stuff I also don't have. But, what I do have is a refrigerator and lots of magnets - in short, the world's largest personal organizer. Children's dental appointments, soccer schedules, class picture reminders, school improvement council meetings, et cetera, are all there, stuck under a rare earth magnet strong enough roughly, to hold the state of Rhode Island on my refrigerator door. Bills that need to be paid, lunch dates, pedicure and hair appointment reminders, roofing company estimates, and all that sort of stuff are conspicuously posted at eye level on the freezer door by another strong earth magnet which is disguised as a picture of a lighthouse. Yet another section of the refrigerator is devoted to business cards and contact information for people that do boat repairs, up-to-date fishing information, fishing license applications, boat registration and so on. Because this is where the really important stuff is, there are a host of very strong magnets keeping these documents safe and securely fastened. On the side of the refrigerator, there are a few pictures, neighbors house keys and phone numbers, and other stuff, that while certainly important, are relegated to a less prominent area (I consider that side of the refrigerator my filing cabinet). Occasionally, like when company is expected, or when I don't want to be reminded of what chaos my life is, I will clean off the refrigerator and put everything in a neat stack on my desk. Which is akin to setting fire to it, as I can't find what I need unless it has a magnet holding it up in front of my face. Of course, my personal organizer is not portable, like some of the fancier models I mentioned earlier, but I don't have to worry that it will become obsolete or unfashionable any time soon!

Domestic Bliss

My dishwasher is holding my dishes hostage. For real. I can not open the door. About 3 months ago, the lever that locks the door broke, and it has been getting harder and harder to open ever since. When you could still get the door open, you needed to be very careful as the spring mechanism which supported the door and allowed it to gently glide open was also broken a bit, so the door was a little heavier than expected. A few nights ago, the door inexplicably fell open and completely ruined the gizmo that holds the door up. After that, when the door was open, it was nearly resting on the floor. That made unpacking the dishwasher a bit of a challenge as the racks that hold the dishes would just sort of SHOOT out of the dishwasher and you had to be ready to catch them. So now I don't know what to do to free my dishes. I tried sticking a screwdriver into the latch and wiggling it free, but all I succeeded in doing is breaking something else deep inside the lock. I guess I need to re-think my stand against using disposable plates and cups in my home, or go buy a new dishwasher and some new dishes to go with it.